You know, often when I’m drinking a beer while sitting on my couch and staring off into space for hours in an attempt to make the darkness and pain I’ve tried so long to keep bottled up in the depths of my heart from bubbling up to the surface, I sometimes think to myself, “Man, if only this beer was stronger and I were drinking it out of a stuffed roadkill coozie. THEN maybe I could get my life back on track.”

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